One life to live + oops = turd in the fan,

  or,
If Mordor had a baby.

I've mismanaged my life. I admit it, I accept it, I own up to it. I hate it.

I'm the kind of person who wants it done right the first time. If you show me an unfamiliar word, I will not sound it out; not aloud, not in my head. I wait until I figure out how it's pronounced and then I tell you. It's not that I don't make mistakes, or fear mistakes. I'm really good at making mistakes, and they've taught me a lot; and I don't need a lesson on how life isn't about avoiding mistakes.

Let me try a different approach. I'm an "A to D" kind of person. I don't mess around with the "B and C" of things. I want to go from start point to finish as efficiently as possible. Why build a bridge when I can jump across?

Which leads to my complaint. Sometimes, the jump lands short. Then, the work really begins, because I'm not Indiana Jones and I don't carry around a handy whip (note to self...). I've got to climb up the hard way. It's not that building vs. jumping is better, but when I jump and it doesn't work out- it's frustrating, demoralizing.

I went into college pretty "doe-eyed" (though I don't have pretty doe eyes). The foresight I did have wasn't focused on my life, and I was blind to the present then, too. Well, this buck stops here. I've racked up some serious education related debt, and it's really going to screw with my life. My family, I think, is heading to a fairly significant, financial hurt-bump. Meanwhile, I'm earning a degree that will no better help to put food on the table than a minimum wage job. What am I going to do?

I can't turn back, but what is there to hold onto?